What Are You Afraid Of?

Hello!

I know it's been awhile since the last post here and we are just taking things slow around here. Posts will come as inspired and as the Lord leads. We're just happy you're here!

I recently spoke at a women's conference at my church. It was a powerful day and today I am sharing with you, in two parts, my talk. The second half is called "Get Out Of The Boat" and will be shared next week. Enjoy!


What Are You Afraid Of?
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What kinds of things are you afraid of? The dark? Heights? 

Perhaps like me, you turn into a ninja when walking through a spider web. You know what I mean! 

Maybe as a child you were afraid of the monster under your bed or in your closet. I’m sure we could go around this room and make a pretty long list of all those fears… irrational and the like.

But what about our deepest fears? Those fears that rattle our nerves. When someone asks us to share something deep, the walls go up. Our focus this morning is on our stories. Our past, present and even the future. You might be able to talk someone’s ear off, and even laugh, about your fear of spiders but, when it comes down to sharing a piece of your past, you shake your head and think, it’s not worth sharing. Nope. You don’t need to know that.

I want to share with you my story of fear and how God redeemed that piece of my life. You see, sharing my story wasn’t always easy. I remember sitting in small group and we would go around the circle as each of us would share more about ourselves. Every once in awhile, someone would share something very personal that they were working on and it would even lead them to reveal something from their past because it was effecting this moment in their life but, when it would come around to me I would give answers that were something like: “Oh I’m just fine.” “Oh that’s just how I am” “I’m not ready to share all that.” “You don’t need to know that part of my life because it’s over and in the past.”

While that might be true, what we have been through and then leading into the moment we gave our lives to Jesus, can be such a beautiful way to share about the hope we have.

As a matter of fact, 1 Peter 3:14-15 says this – actually, let me give you some context with this scripture.. Peter is encouraging and instructing a group of Christians who are facing persecution from authority figures for their faith.  Do you ever feel like you would face persecution because of your faith? That’s a fear. 

Now, let’s read what 1 Peter 3:14-15 says in regards to facing persecution and sharing…

Always be prepared to give a reason for the hope that you have… it goes on, in verse 16, to do this with gentleness and respect… this is added because this group has to answer to authority figures. That would be another talk for another time but, it is important to get the full context of what that means.

But let’s just rest for a minute on that phrase – “always be prepared to give a reason for the hope that you have.” While this was a message for a specific group, in a specific time, just like any other story or encouragement or teaching in the bible, I believe that this is relevant for today.

If you have found hope in Jesus Christ, you get to share that with others. But what if sharing that hope means you have to “go there” with your story?

When I was just getting tight with Jesus and really enjoying all the changes going on within me and on the outside and meeting some amazing new friends and just loving the heart change and joyful I was feeling, there was a time that came when I was questioned about this change… about this joy I now had.

Well, I could answer that! Jesus! He changed me!

Well, how?

By… making me a better person. By forgiving me of my sins. Making me new and whole!

Well, how did he make you new?

Uh… he just did.

Girls, did you know, at that time, I had an awesome opportunity to get real and share about the TRUE reason I was joyful and set free?

But I was afraid.

I was filled with shame. And I was afraid that if I admitted what had happened to me as a child, the listening would stop right there. We wouldn’t even get to the good part. And so, I would skip it.

You see, as a child, I was molested by my brother. I grew up with a skewed view on what a sibling relationship looked like and I was ashamed of what had happened to me. Especially when I still couldn’t understand it all. Did I let it happen? Was I to blame? Did I ask for it? I mean, it was my brother. And then all the skewed views on sex and intimate relationships entered in.

And I knew that if I shared that part of my past, all of that would come to question. People would look at me as if I was dirty. They would label me and think, “how could she have hope? She’s been tainted.”

I struggled with this for a long time. I would get just so close to people and then, when it came to that point of possibly opening up, I would put up the wall. The relationship would no longer be authentic and real and it would eventually dissolve.

I knew that I wasn’t honoring God with my story because I was leaving out a very important part. In fact, there were a few key parts I wasn’t letting God in on.

I didn’t trust God with my story. I wouldn’t let Him take full control over what I had been through. I was afraid to open that old wound. No… no… I don’t need to go there again! It’s in the past! It’s over! Done! It doesn’t affect who I am today!

I didn’t trust others with my story. How could I live an authentic life with fellow believers if I didn’t be honest with them? I knew that my past affected quite a large chunk of my life and it was the reason for my identity issues and many of the choices I made growing up. So, of course, it had a significant role when it came to sharing about the reason or the hope that I have.

I didn’t trust myself with my story. Years past, I used my story to manipulate. I found out that when things weren’t going my way, I could make people feel sorry for me. I didn’t want that to happen anymore because since giving my life to Jesus, I didn’t need that validation. So, why bother? Right?

Well, as I considered all the reasons why I wasn’t sharing my story, I knew that they weren’t good enough reasons not to. But, how could I get to this place of understanding that I didn’t need to be afraid? That this shame was not from God, himself but, it was the enemy taking advantage of this weakness within me.

There is some beautiful scripture in the bible that talks about how God loves us and how He sees us and it’s all amazing stuff. But, there is  one in particular that grabbed my attention.

Psalm 139 is a beautiful prose When I was doing some research on this, I like to use blueletterbible.org (you can write that down if you want…) I came across this little paragraph that describes the Psalm like this:

“some of the Jewish doctors are of opinion that this is the most excellent of all the psalms of David; and a very pious devout meditation it is upon the doctrine of God’s omniscience, which we should therefore have our hearts fixed upon and filled with in singing this psalm.”

Wow. That caught my attention. The most excellent of psalms. I’m going to read it all to you. Just soak it in!

(You can find this in your Bible or by clicking HERE.)

So good. I want to sit on a particular verse here. It’s one that revolutionized how I feel about my story. And about that fear that held me back from truly giving it all to Jesus and having the courage to share with others… because it really does connect with the HOPE that I have!

I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Let’s just sit on that for a minute. Ladies, WE are fearfully and wonderfully made. God knows all about us. Inside outside. He knew us because he CREATED us. He knew us in our mothers womb and he knows what will be coming out of our mouths before we even THINK it. How mind boggling is that? He knows the number of hairs on our heads for goodness sake.

I asked my PreK students if they knew how many hairs they had on their heads. Of course they know. Because they are five but, seriously… when I got them thinking about it, I watched their eyes grow big. Even at FIVE YEARS OLD, they get it. 

We’re actually memorizing this whole Psalm in my class. We use the New International Readers Version and I love how it puts these verses:

“How you made me is amazing and wonderful. I praise you for that. 

What you have done is wonderful. I know that very well.”

Listen, when I got into this piece of scripture… some things starting rocking my world.

My God KNOWS me. He knows me. He knows what happened to me as a child. None of that was hidden from him. He wept with me. He comforted me. He knew that it was awful. He knew exactly how I felt.  (Hebrews 4:13)

My God LOVES me. He created me. Of course He loves me!

(John 3;16; Romans 5:8)

My God SEES me. He sees me. Sometimes that’s all we need. We just need someone to see us. Notice us. Care for us. Make us feel special.

(Isaiah 41:10)

When I gave my life to Jesus, I knew I was seen. And loved. And known.

When I truly grasped those thoughts, it gave me the courage to take that step. That step that would have me shaking with fear but, I knew, it was the right choice.

I shared my story for the first time, one on one, with a leader from church. I was ready for the judgment. I was ready to be an outcast. But, I didn’t receive anything like that.

Instead, God had taken that moment and turned it into something beautiful. I was not judged. I was not labeled. I was not pushed away.

I was loved.

I was validated.

I was encouraged.

And because of all that, it set me on fire. Listen, when I get the go signal, I go. I’m like a cat that just went poop in the litter box. If you don’t know what I’m talking about you’ve never had a cat! Ha! I use to have a cat named Nalla and I always knew she had just taken a poo because she would come ripping through the house and be as happy as can be! I mean it was like that girl had just received a lighter load and she was celebrating!

I know that’s not the most beautiful example… but, I work with kids… poo is poo is poo.

When I shared my story… I learned this…

I am actually stealing some words here that are quoted by a fabulously wise Godly woman named Lisa Bevere:

“The Past is a Place of Reference. Not a place of residence.”

My fear of shame stemmed from me thinking that by sharing my story, I had to live it over and over. But, that was not the case. Me sharing that piece of my story was a reference to others to PROVE that our God is a loving God who can redeem, restore, heal, make new, forgive… all these things.

I’m not living through what happened to me back then. I get to CELEBRATE with others the fact that Jesus is my all. And what he is doing NOW in my life. Despite of all that. Instead of going one direction with my life, I’m going another. A good direction. The straight and narrow direction. The direction full of LOVE and JOY and PEACE and HOPE.

I don’t know your story. That seems like such a cliché thing to say. Of course I don’t know all your stories but, I say this because today, is a day, that I have been praying for. For you and for me. We don’t need to live in the fears that are holding us back from living out our faith… by sharing about the hope that we have. WHY we have this hope. 

Because I... we... are a child of GOD.