God's To-Do List for YOU
I'm an obsessive list maker. But sometimes I think I should make a list and then start it on fire and have a little ceremony where I methodically watch it burn and meditate on how it's not my idol.
Are you a rule follower like me? Do you like lists and have expectations for yourself that transcend what any sane person is actually capable of squeezing into 24 hours?
Just me, huh?
Just kidding.
Pull up a chair.
I promise you have permission to sit and relax for a few minutes.
I'm an oldest child, daughter to an ambitious, driven, oldest-son farmer. We have more in common that either of us would probably like to admit. My two younger brothers are as passionate (if not more) as me but not nearly the rule follower I am.
I was never a party-er, not sure what to do with myself if I don't have a specific task list, and I have a hard time letting loose (just ask my husband).l
Does this mean I follow ALL the rules? Hardly. I'm a messy-creative, a procrastinator, and I love to stay up late and sleep in.
But as I settled into the business of motherhood, I looked around and saw all sorts of rules and regulations mothers and women were expected to follow.
And so my list grew.
Wherever we are in our lives, at one time or another we find ourselves face-to-face with a long scary list. It’s possible we WANT to do ALL of the things on our lists, but as I said - there just aren’t enough hours in the day.
My face-to-face came the year following our big move. With the help of social media, community comparisons, and a growing desire to launch a writing ministry - I had created an unrealistic set of expectations for us. Despite the sources for all my big goals, my list was largely inspired by my desire to serve my God. God wants you to do this “right,” and if you truly want to serve Him, you will find a way. Even better - He will find a way to empower you! That was the message I had received loud and clear.
I stood in my new (messy) yellow kitchen with my 18 month old and 4-year-old, a pile of bills, and the 8-year-old on her way home from school with her homework and her reading challenges. After the move my marriage was strained by “what now” questions among other things, and there were still a thousand things to do on the house. I sat down at the kitchen table and put my head in my hands. I’m so overwhelmed, Lord. But, I rationalized, I’m just trying to serve you!
Are you a rule follower like me? Do you like lists and have expectations for yourself that transcend what any sane person is actually capable of squeezing into 24 hours?
Just me, huh?
Just kidding.
Pull up a chair.
I promise you have permission to sit and relax for a few minutes.
I'm an oldest child, daughter to an ambitious, driven, oldest-son farmer. We have more in common that either of us would probably like to admit. My two younger brothers are as passionate (if not more) as me but not nearly the rule follower I am.
I was never a party-er, not sure what to do with myself if I don't have a specific task list, and I have a hard time letting loose (just ask my husband).l
Does this mean I follow ALL the rules? Hardly. I'm a messy-creative, a procrastinator, and I love to stay up late and sleep in.
But as I settled into the business of motherhood, I looked around and saw all sorts of rules and regulations mothers and women were expected to follow.
And so my list grew.
- Bake from scratch, structure play time, process homemade baby food;
- daily exercise, devotion, me-time, baby-time, naptime, gardening, housekeeping, and don’t forget husband time, friend time, and call your grandma - all mandatory;
- find a passion and pursue it so your kids can see what a strong, passionate, working woman looks like;
- also be sure to volunteer in their classrooms, make birthdays “memorable,” utilize coupons, get your Christmas shopping done early, resell anything you aren’t using, and be sure to buy second hand whenever possible;
- make a budget, keep a budget, splurge occasionally, save enough, put away for retirement, pay your bills on time, teach your kids about money with an allowance, teach them responsibility with daily chores;
- make sure the house looks good and you look presentable when your husband gets home from work….
Wherever we are in our lives, at one time or another we find ourselves face-to-face with a long scary list. It’s possible we WANT to do ALL of the things on our lists, but as I said - there just aren’t enough hours in the day.
My face-to-face came the year following our big move. With the help of social media, community comparisons, and a growing desire to launch a writing ministry - I had created an unrealistic set of expectations for us. Despite the sources for all my big goals, my list was largely inspired by my desire to serve my God. God wants you to do this “right,” and if you truly want to serve Him, you will find a way. Even better - He will find a way to empower you! That was the message I had received loud and clear.
I stood in my new (messy) yellow kitchen with my 18 month old and 4-year-old, a pile of bills, and the 8-year-old on her way home from school with her homework and her reading challenges. After the move my marriage was strained by “what now” questions among other things, and there were still a thousand things to do on the house. I sat down at the kitchen table and put my head in my hands. I’m so overwhelmed, Lord. But, I rationalized, I’m just trying to serve you!
His response was loud and clear.
What if your to-do list for yourself is not the to-do list I have for you? What if your expectations for yourself are not my expectations for you?
It stopped me in my tracks.
Could it be? Could it be possible that the endless list before me was not in line with God’s will?
That He wasn’t as concerned about freshly baked goods as I thought?
That not sweeping the floor today didn’t indicate epic failure and that sitting with my baby after preschool was more important than blog posting?
That there wasn't only one right way to do things, that her sanity might not look like mine, and that it was more important to greet my husband with a smile than a clean house?
That maybe my rules are not His rules?
For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. Isaiah 55:8
- The world is ready and willing to provide me, and you, with a thousand how-to’s and should-be’s. I don’t know if men are feeling the pressure to do it all, but I know women are. We need to remind ourselves EVERYDAY, that the world’s ways are not the ways of our God. Doing ¨it all¨ sounds fabulous (thank you women’s movement), but 1) it’s not possible, 2) it’s not fun, 3) it’s not God’s will. I’m not saying God is anti-the-women’s-movement. No one is telling you marriage and barefoot and pregnant are mandatory. But I am saying an overflowing list does not mean an overflowing heart. It means an empty, desperate, pleading-for-answers heart.
- Often God puts a desire in our heart, or a passion on our plate, and we want to run after it NOW. I’m still learning how to deal with the fact that just because the desire and calling are real, does not mean it’s all going to come together RIGHT NOW. Depending on a host of factors including finances and family (just to name a few), this might NOT be the right time. Even more likely, it takes time to build a dream into reality. The process can be painful and slow, but a well-built foundation will likely serve God more effectively than an overnight success. At least so I’ve heard.
- Our country and our world host countless cultures and communities all of which have their own set of standards for what a successful woman looks like. Some of them expect all women to be mothers, send their kids to daycare, and spend the day housekeeping. Some presume women should pursue a career and shun motherhood. Others stick-up their noses to processed foods or immunizations, or homeschooling, or high heels, etc, etc.! It turns out what's competing to be on your list might have everything to do with the company you keep and nothing to do with Christ.
The fact is God's to-do list for you looks like this:
Love God.
Love others.
Love God.
Love others.
Full out, 1,000% love.
And by the way this is impossible to do perfectly.
Hence we have His grace and mercy and salvation from our Savior Jesus Christ!
Bask in the glow of grace, and then picked yourself up. When you get back to deciding what your to-do list should look like, here are some helpful questions of discernment.
- How will this serve Christ?
- Does this task seek to serve Christ but in the process neglect my family, health, or calling?
- Are there still margins in my life if I add this expectation?
What are some of the expectations you've taken off your to-do list over the years?
