I Was The ___ Girl
Labeling myself has always been something important. I have to be identified as something. Otherwise, I feel like I don't belong.
Does this sound like you?
Can you relate?
From my teen years and into my adult years 'I Was The Fat Girl'.
The last time I was thin was elementary school. And, even then, I began to put on pounds when I was in 4th and 5th grade. Intriguingly, I was an active child. I loved to run and play. I was active in sports and the like. But, still, I put on the pounds.
There were several reasons for this. Some of it had to do with how I was coping my past. Some of it was overeating. Some of it was genetics. Some of it was unexplainable.
And kids are mean.
I was teased. Taunted. I heard "boom boom" when I walked. Fatso. Thunder thighs. Tubs.
All those words became familiar to me as I grew up. Even into adulthood.
The stigma of being overweight never, ever, ever goes away. No matter what I did... it stuck. And I knew I was judged. I knew I didn't get chosen for certain things because of that judgement.
No. Not that fat girl you guys.
And, so... what does one do? I learned to embrace it. And I labelled myself.
I had now become The Fat Girl. The Fat Friend.
Just thinking back over the years of how this influenced who I was and how I conducted myself brings tears to my eyes. I lived with pain. Such pain. But, I put on the front. Nope. No one would ever know how much pain I was in. I'm a confident fat girl. After all, I sure loved Jesus with my whole heart and what is on the inside is the most important.
"Melissa... you are beautiful inside and out!"
I have a few expletives to say to that but... since this is a ministry blog I'm going to keep it rated G here. However, I'm still going to keep it real. Because I want YOU to be real too.
Can I tell you something ladies?
I. Had. It. Wrong.
Living with the pain on the inside and embracing that label was just wrong. As I grew in my relationship with God, I began to question, "God... is this how you see me? Have you created me to be the fat girl? Am I suppose to live this way forever? Because I don't want to. I hate it. I hate that you created me this way. Did you create me this way? Or did I create myself this way? What am I suppose to do with all this pain? I'm hurt. People are cruel. Why am I living like this?"
Want to know the answers?
This is what He said to me... "I see you as my beautiful creation. I've known you since before you were even conceived. I knit you together in your mother's womb and already knew your future. You are my daughter. My beloved. The one I've chosen to pursue vision and dreams that only I can reveal to you. You are set free. You are healed. You are cherished. Honor what has been given to you."
Yes, dear sisters, that whole paragraph is what He said to me. I wrote it down and everything. I've cherished it. I've avoided it. I've leaned into it. I've pushed it away. I've embraced it.
Do you know why that label I gave myself was wrong?
God did not create a "fat girl". He created Melissa. He created something valuable and beautiful.
It has taken me over 30 years to get to a point where I feel confident to work through this pain. It's time to remove the label I have given myself. No more denial. No more hiding. No more shame. Because I am valuable and dearly loved, I want to take it that last line in God's answer to me seriously. "....Honor what has been given to you." My body. So many ways, there are, we can honor our bodies. And, yes, I am fat. Yes, I've made poor health choices. But it is never too late for God to redeem what the world has taken away. I am HIS. And with that mindset, I've made some changes on the inside that will, over time, begin to reflect on the outside. Heart changes and health changes.
Right now I hear a lot of, "Melissa I'm so proud of you!" "Way to go!" "You are doing it!"
Can I be honest? Those words mean nothing to me.
Want to know what God is saying to me?
"I love you. Always have. Always will."
Now, please, do not take this the wrong way. Hearing those words of encouragement from people has definitely been motivating and, I know it has come from a genuine place. My friends truly care about me and I love how they cheer me on. So, when I say those words "mean nothing", it's related to a deeper meaning... a soul meaning... one that changes how I internalize the feelings I've piled on all these years.
Ladies, can I just tell you something? Whatever it is that you label yourself as, I want you to pause this week and take it to the Lord. I want you to ask, "God, is this how you see me?" And listen to him. We cannot allow the world to dictate our self worth. We cannot allow the world to label who we are. Only our creator has the authority to do that! Claim it! Stand firm in that!
So, whether you label yourself as an addict, a liar, a thief, a manipulator, a coward, a glutton, an overachiever, stupid, worthless.... those are not labels from God.
Can I tell you something lovely? God is not finished with our story yet. It is never too late for God to redeem what the world has taken away. I'm a walking testimony to that.
Am I still overweight? Oh yes. Am I still finding my identity in that? Heck no. Am I striving to take better care of my health and the body God gave me? Absolutely. And I love telling this part of my story because I've experienced the overwhelming healing of God. I'm still experiencing it. And I've tasted the fruit of what that is like. It is sweet and wonderful.
Additional Notes: Are you struggling with self-image or self-worth? Are you battling a serious addiction or mental situation? I am not a licensed therapist but, would love to steer you in the right direction to get valuable help and assistance. I would love to pray for you and encourage you! You. Are. Not. Alone. Please seek out someone in your local church. There are so many amazing Christ-Centered therapists that are ready to hold your hand and walk alongside you. Do it. Now is the time!
Does this sound like you?
Can you relate?
From my teen years and into my adult years 'I Was The Fat Girl'.
The last time I was thin was elementary school. And, even then, I began to put on pounds when I was in 4th and 5th grade. Intriguingly, I was an active child. I loved to run and play. I was active in sports and the like. But, still, I put on the pounds.
There were several reasons for this. Some of it had to do with how I was coping my past. Some of it was overeating. Some of it was genetics. Some of it was unexplainable.
And kids are mean.
I was teased. Taunted. I heard "boom boom" when I walked. Fatso. Thunder thighs. Tubs.
All those words became familiar to me as I grew up. Even into adulthood.
The stigma of being overweight never, ever, ever goes away. No matter what I did... it stuck. And I knew I was judged. I knew I didn't get chosen for certain things because of that judgement.
No. Not that fat girl you guys.
And, so... what does one do? I learned to embrace it. And I labelled myself.
I had now become The Fat Girl. The Fat Friend.
Just thinking back over the years of how this influenced who I was and how I conducted myself brings tears to my eyes. I lived with pain. Such pain. But, I put on the front. Nope. No one would ever know how much pain I was in. I'm a confident fat girl. After all, I sure loved Jesus with my whole heart and what is on the inside is the most important.
"Melissa... you are beautiful inside and out!"
I have a few expletives to say to that but... since this is a ministry blog I'm going to keep it rated G here. However, I'm still going to keep it real. Because I want YOU to be real too.
Can I tell you something ladies?
I. Had. It. Wrong.
Living with the pain on the inside and embracing that label was just wrong. As I grew in my relationship with God, I began to question, "God... is this how you see me? Have you created me to be the fat girl? Am I suppose to live this way forever? Because I don't want to. I hate it. I hate that you created me this way. Did you create me this way? Or did I create myself this way? What am I suppose to do with all this pain? I'm hurt. People are cruel. Why am I living like this?"
Want to know the answers?
This is what He said to me... "I see you as my beautiful creation. I've known you since before you were even conceived. I knit you together in your mother's womb and already knew your future. You are my daughter. My beloved. The one I've chosen to pursue vision and dreams that only I can reveal to you. You are set free. You are healed. You are cherished. Honor what has been given to you."
Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body. ~ 1 Corinthians 6:19 - 20Uh. Wow.
Yes, dear sisters, that whole paragraph is what He said to me. I wrote it down and everything. I've cherished it. I've avoided it. I've leaned into it. I've pushed it away. I've embraced it.
Do you know why that label I gave myself was wrong?
God did not create a "fat girl". He created Melissa. He created something valuable and beautiful.
It has taken me over 30 years to get to a point where I feel confident to work through this pain. It's time to remove the label I have given myself. No more denial. No more hiding. No more shame. Because I am valuable and dearly loved, I want to take it that last line in God's answer to me seriously. "....Honor what has been given to you." My body. So many ways, there are, we can honor our bodies. And, yes, I am fat. Yes, I've made poor health choices. But it is never too late for God to redeem what the world has taken away. I am HIS. And with that mindset, I've made some changes on the inside that will, over time, begin to reflect on the outside. Heart changes and health changes.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be. ~ Psalm 139:14-16For the first time, in a long time, I feel freedom when it comes to my outward appearance. Because I know that God created something special. I feel special.
Right now I hear a lot of, "Melissa I'm so proud of you!" "Way to go!" "You are doing it!"
Can I be honest? Those words mean nothing to me.
Want to know what God is saying to me?
"I love you. Always have. Always will."
Now, please, do not take this the wrong way. Hearing those words of encouragement from people has definitely been motivating and, I know it has come from a genuine place. My friends truly care about me and I love how they cheer me on. So, when I say those words "mean nothing", it's related to a deeper meaning... a soul meaning... one that changes how I internalize the feelings I've piled on all these years.
Ladies, can I just tell you something? Whatever it is that you label yourself as, I want you to pause this week and take it to the Lord. I want you to ask, "God, is this how you see me?" And listen to him. We cannot allow the world to dictate our self worth. We cannot allow the world to label who we are. Only our creator has the authority to do that! Claim it! Stand firm in that!
So, whether you label yourself as an addict, a liar, a thief, a manipulator, a coward, a glutton, an overachiever, stupid, worthless.... those are not labels from God.
Can I tell you something lovely? God is not finished with our story yet. It is never too late for God to redeem what the world has taken away. I'm a walking testimony to that.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. ~ Psalm 139:14
Am I still overweight? Oh yes. Am I still finding my identity in that? Heck no. Am I striving to take better care of my health and the body God gave me? Absolutely. And I love telling this part of my story because I've experienced the overwhelming healing of God. I'm still experiencing it. And I've tasted the fruit of what that is like. It is sweet and wonderful.
Additional Notes: Are you struggling with self-image or self-worth? Are you battling a serious addiction or mental situation? I am not a licensed therapist but, would love to steer you in the right direction to get valuable help and assistance. I would love to pray for you and encourage you! You. Are. Not. Alone. Please seek out someone in your local church. There are so many amazing Christ-Centered therapists that are ready to hold your hand and walk alongside you. Do it. Now is the time!
